mudha47

mudha47 @ 2009-11-04T17:17:00

2009-11-04T23:18:16Z

Ever have one of those REAL oh shit moments when you know your life is pretty much ruined forever.......

yeah they suck

mudha47 @ 2009-10-10T18:13:00

2009-10-10T23:14:37Z

y'know fights suck,

especially your first fight

but making up is so rewarding. and enthralling.

:)

mudha47 @ 2009-10-08T15:35:00

2009-10-08T20:36:37Z

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i can't stop smiling :)

he's perfect guys! PERFECT!

forgot one.

2009-10-08T16:40:00Z

....not to mention every time i look at him its like he's my own personal adonis.......

dave :)

2009-10-08T13:52:25Z

HOW IS IT THAT:

someone can know you better than yourself and read your moods and know exactly what you need?
that same someone can put a smile on your face just by crossing your mind?
including just making you feel so comfortable that he's the first person whose arms you fall asleep in, regardless of your state of mind?
on top of that even making you feel safe and that everything is going to work out just the way you want it to because he said it will?

and even

tell you that you're everything he's dreamed of having in a girlfriend?......when you know he's everything and more that you wanted out of a guy? Every habit, hobby, ideal and value?

AND THEN!

go on and love you so much that you feel grateful for every little bad thing thats happened in your past, all the failed relationships, all the broken hearts and unrequited infatuations, and even the loss of loved ones, because it led you to this moment????

guhhhhhhhhhhhh. guys i'm smitten. ^__________________________________________^.

mudha47 @ 2009-09-15T20:58:00

2009-09-16T02:06:09Z

So its like this:

Dave and I went to bed sunday night, and I was whipped.

We played mage all eveningish time. and by eveningish i mean from like 2 in the afternoon til like 11 at night.

and then we were laying in bed, nice and comfy NOT DOING ANYTHING (people stop assuming that!!!!!!!!!!)

then snap?

and then OWWWWWWW WWTF?????

and then today arm DOESN'T WORK

liek for real guys.

IT DIDN'T WORK. wouldn't move or anything....

SO NOW! my arm is in a sling, i'm on muscle relaxant and ibprofuen so i'm higher than house.....

and now yeah.

fuck.

more info after x rays tomorrow!

departure

2009-08-04T14:39:07Z

Dear F-List.

I will be in Maine until further notice.

FUCK YES.

much love!

May we shine the light of justice where the hopes of people grow dim.

2009-07-29T08:18:49Z

Recently we had a Student Senate meeting here at UW-Milwaukee where the main focus was to approve the appointments to the, for lack of a better term, "cabinet". These people were hand selected from applicants by the President, Vice President, and Executive Director, whom had won the votes in the election by an overwhelming majority.

Two new positions added to the cabinet this year, the Environmental Sustainability Director, and the Diversity Director, as well as a reorganization of office managers from five regular office managers, to create a head office manager and two junior office managers.

These three positions were recently cut from the budget before the directors could even be appointed. Along with, the academic affairs candidate was not approved, and the Vice President was removed from his main duty in office. Allow me to elaborate.

The reasoning behind these cuts made me feel like there was some personal vendetta against our new executive branch from the existing senate members. The vice president was chosen as the running mate for his financial prowess, because the main focus of the VP job is the Chair of the Senate Funding Committee. However, the speaker, whom holds a very terse and open grudge against the new administration, moved to make our VP not only NOT the chair by default, but ineligible to become chair via election. The system where the VP is the chair of SFC has been in place for 4 years beforehand, with the previous administration. This movement seems like nothing more than a political ploy to pull as much power away from the current administration and into the hands of greedy, power-hungry, and slightly tyrannical senate members.
Secondly, the removal of the Diversity Director. The argument made towards this removal was that there were already groups on campus that supported diversity, so why does Student Association need this position? The biggest question that pops into my mind is as a student government, is it not our JOB to become more involved with other student groups? The people whom removed this position ALSO were the same people who approved, and pushed, for the removal of funding from several organizations on campus including the Women Resource Center and the Lesbian Gay BiSexual and Transgender Center.

The Environmental Sustainability position was pulled from the budget because they decided that since there was already an Environmental Sustainability faculty, and a committee that this position was not needed. However, the faculty and the committee rarely interact with each other, let alone work together. The simple statement of one senator who stated that they did not want to spend the salary for a redundant position was an eye opener to the close minded views of many people in power about the environmental crisis.
Finally, Academic Affairs. This strikes me as the most petty of all the arguments made. When selected for the position, the candidate was, in fact, very qualified. She had spent many years growing up around the UW campus, as her father was a professor there. When asked about her position, she was clear and concise with her answers, staying as diplomatic as possible. While many of the senate seemed to hear what she said, enough did not. After the meeting was adjourned, it was revealed that a current member of senate had applied for the same position. That senate member was known to have some pull with other senate members. When said senate member was not elected to the position, it seems as though that pull was used to keep a perfectly qualified individual out of a job.

This game has been going on between the senate and the exec branch for quite awhile. From my point of view, it seems like the senate is trying their damn hardest to keep any and all power for themselves. It seems the only allies that the exec branch has in the senate is with the newly elected senators.

Friends, my hope has grown dim.

Selling Out and Taking Leave.

2009-07-23T04:16:43Z

Dear F-List,

So those of you whom are fellow nerdfighters know about the recent discussion about selling out on youtube started by nerimon. Well since I"m currently not in a place where I can make a video, a blog post about it is what you're going to get for now...

Anyways, as a JMC student, adveritisng is a big part of my educational process. Finding a way to advertise to the mass media is difficult, espeically since the media is ever changing. Just look at where we've come in the last 100 years. From radio to tv to the internet, we're always changing how we interact with the world. All in all this is great, because without changing the way we communicate with each other we won't be able to solve our problems. However, for comapnies this causes a problem. With current distaste to advertisements people have done whatever they can to avoid them. For example, I've stopped watching tv on tv, and instead on the internet, mainly to avoid the commerical breaks, and also because of time. But even those ten second breaks are enough to check my email or facebook. So now the question falls to how can the advertisers advertise to the public without pissing them off and getting annoyed with the product before they even buy it?

Since I became a JMC major, I've started noticing product placements a lot more, but the general public doesn't see them as brands, just props. Now pretty much anyone who has ever been on the internet has gone to the popular video hosting site youtube. So when advertisers pull sneaky stunts and get onto youtube, I need to applaud them for the ingenuity. For example, Ford and their Fiesta Movement, where they've awarded various youtubers their new Fiesta cars to drive around and do challenges about....That is where advertising is headed and the faster the rest of the companies realize this the better.

So now I know a lot of youtubers are catching flack for promoting their OWN products. This is where I really have something to say.
When people make something and promote it, while money may be a side motive, these people are promoting stuff that they created. So when Alan Lastufka posted in his blog that we could get a free EP for writing about his new CD taking leave, I was pretty stoked. Not because I could get his free EP (which is awesome...) but because I got to review a product that I actually liked. So lets review shall we?

As a musician myself, hearing Alan talk about his cd from start to finish on youtube has been a little inspiring. (you can find that video here.) The cd all in all is no less than amazing, which is great. I think my favorite songs are Can't and The Mirror Song. As a musician I feel like I should be able to give a better description as to why, but really all I can say is they just speak volumes to me better than any other of the songs. Anyways, my general consensus is that it is defintely a good buy, and I'm not just saying that for the cd. You can find the cd here, and best of all part of the proceeds go to the KIVA and any nerdfighters know of the work done with Kiva. But really guys, any of you who've subscribed to a nerdfightastic channel have probably already heard about this, and I don't need to tell you its no less than amazing.

So with all that said, and my ranting and raving over, I'm begging you guys to please please please check out Alan's video and CD, and I'll have more general life update soon.

DFTBA.

my next doctor.

2009-07-18T19:26:26Z

Callum Blue. nuff said.

music and movie rants

2009-07-18T19:05:23Z

Hello Loves!

Hope you are all doing well, and that the last week or so has treated you well.

I'm writing today about a variety of topics, and rather than doing three separate posts, I'm consolidating!

So we'll start the shortest one first:

Music/Bragging rights.

So I"m almost positive I posted about this earlier, but I"m going to repost it because I'm not sure people realize just how awesome this kid is.

His name is Ameish, and he is my third cousin. He made this video earlier this year (around March), and I feel the need to spread the joy of his music to the world.

Moving on.....

So in the last couple days I saw a couple of movies, which is crazy for the amount of time I've had to spend with family.

Firstly I saw Angels and Demons with Sean, which was awesome. He and I both enjoyed the movie thoroughly, and I'm glad we went and saw it. Its definitely an A movie, and stuck rather close to the book. Granted we didn't see the super fast jet, but y'know I can deal.

Ewan McGregor did an excellent job as the Camerlengo. I though he acted the part beautifully and it has definitely been one of his harder roles.
Tom Hanks, was as always Tom Hanks.
I was surprised to see Bootstrap Bill as Commander Richter. Though, I think I was aware of that fact well before the movie came out?

All in all it was a pretty swell time. Definitely worth seeing.

Moving on.

So tonight dad and I went to go see harry potter.

Overall ok movie. Not exactly a fan though.

What really pissed me off:

First, the people sitting behind us started kicking my seat....so we moved.
Then, the guys sitting in front of us wouldn't shut up....this continued throughout the movie.
After that, the girl sitting to my right kept texting.....DAMN SCREENS ARE BRIGHT! i wanted to throw her phone across the theatre.
AND THEN, a drunk bitch comes in and starts yelling randomly.....

seriously people? has it gotten to the point where our attention span is SO small that we can't help but do a million other things WHILE watching a movie. I mean I know I multitask like there's no tomorrow when I'm at home, but when I go to the movies TO WATCH a movie then its just like.....ummmmm.....STFU i want to watch this movie.

I know I know, I'm naive and if i want to watch a movie i should do it in my own home....

thanks drewness! DAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!

2009-07-08T04:59:34Z

THIS MUDHA IS BOUNCY.

read me.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BOUNCEBOUNCEBOUNCE!!!!!!!!!!!

this is where you go seriously mudha? wtf....

2009-07-02T18:14:15Z

so i went to the gym today to get me back in shape for hiking mountains galore when I get to Maine right?

I went about 3 and a quarter miles on the eliptical on the easiest terrain setting.....

MY BODY HATES ME.

everything is so sore, and I think there's a bruise on my right leg.......? how did that get there idk?

and this is how much of a klutz i am....i managed to BREAK MY FINGER BY HOLDING ONTO THE BAR..

ik real smooth.

i'm not sure if its an actual break or if my muscles are very badly strained, but since this morning its gotten more and more swollen and changed to some nasty colors.....

time to go make a splint i suppose.....

and yes i know i should have it looked at, but i already feel kinda shitty right now....(from the workout all i really want to do is puke my guts out but i havent....car ride home should be interesting..) and i have a doctors appt on tuesday so i'll have it looked at then.

ok splint time.

emo doctor kills daleks.

2009-07-01T23:27:22Z

just want to share something
that is all.

"why don't you just watch youtube???"

2009-06-27T05:50:12Z

So uh, I think its happening again?

Just being around him, the feelings, they are alllll coming back and coming back strong....

idk whether to consider this a good or bad thing but its a thing nonetheless.

Recap i suppose:

Well, this weekend was supposed to be the awesome weekend of GWness with Drewness, but sadly those plans fell through.....BUT when one door closes another opens!

and boy did this door open ^_____^.

He and I have been trying to hang out cause we love hanging out with each other (well i love hanging out with him) and so its been really hard though between his work schedule and just life in general for us to actually hang out....

but because I ended up having tonight free....last night we talked and i told him i was free and he was like yay! (well not to quite that extent but you know what i mean) and we hung out....

and it was pretty much amazing.....

I've been having kinda a crappy week....As of late I haven't been able to sleep, and I don't think I've slept a whole night since last Friday, and that was from excessive drinking, throwing up, and the need to sleep off a hangover. Along with other stressors and factors, I just needed a night off to be uplifted.

He just knows how to make me laugh. He teaches me how stuff works, and he takes time to explain things to me...maybe because I actually pay attention, OR maybe because he likes telling me these things... I'm not really sure as to which.

Like tonight...first he made me dinner (homemade cheese ravioli...YUM)...(well heated it up is probably better, but still he's a good cook!) and then we sat down and talked about wireless routers, because I need to get one, and so he helped me pick one out and explained all about a, b, g, and n...granted he overgeneralized but i'm not a geek! he put it in plain english which, ask any geek, is hard to do! and then after he selected my router for me, we talked about Doctor Who and he said he missed watching Doctor Who with me....I miss watching doctor who with him too! (i should really look into getting those on dvd...) and then he had a Guild officers meeting so he went on ventrilo but told them he had to leave early (not that i cared much if he was at the meeting, he misses a ton of raids for me, and sometimes i feel bad about that but he doesn't.....idk if i mentioned this in a previous blog but he told me his gaming gets cut down by AT LEAST half when he enters a relationship....the fact that he's willing to skip a raid for me is kinda a big deal :)! ) and so I had a nice chat with his sister (i get along GREAT with his family btw...) in the mean time, but then we went downstairs and watched the day the earth stood still, which was amazing and I LOVED it! and he and i were talking about it before it started, and I had heard on the radio today on the show Science Friday on NPR that the science bit was done extrodinarily well in that movie, so i told him that and told him where I got that info from (a good reporter always cites her source!) and the headline quote came from that...:P ANYWAYS we cuddled, and tickled, and just in general flirted throughout the entire movie, and at every turn on the drive home he just made me laugh....especially the way the tank's trunk flies open when you go over a bump too fast....i <3 that car......and i came home feeling elated and relaxed, and at ease with life....ooh and he promised to hook up the wi fi once i get a router.

AND! he got into MSOE! i'm so thrilled for him, and this just means us having more hang out time cause he'll be on the east side more and more!

Which means probably more cuddle time! which makes for a very excited mudha! ^___^.

~~he still has her as his phone background though....~~

i'm excited for whats to come....

IN OTHER NEWS:

i might have a house guest in the form of a very delicious male specimen.

and secondly:

AWKWARD ZONE DEFEATED! or at least i think so and at least they are getting there...i mean we almost had plans to hang out...so w00t!

La Duh Laws.

2009-06-16T05:05:51Z

Tonight was spent with me wallowing with my bestie and sister La, over recent events that I'd rather not share why, but needless to say wallowing with her is the best time ever.

It was total and true La and Mooduh night, starting off with noodles, and finishing with us crashing (though earlier than expected) after 2 episodes of gilmore girls, 2 pints of ben and jerry's, a bowl of microwave popcorn and of course endless texting.

Gods I miss la when she's not home.

anyways, I was questioned as to why Im wallowing and what is the point of wallowing....clearly some people need to be very well schooled.
La and I take a lot of life lessons from the show gilmore girls, but most importantly we take these, and christen them the La Duh Laws:

1. Movie nights are sacred.
2. Wallowing is a must, irregardless of whether or not the wallower feels the need to wallow, and it is up to the non-wallower to make sure the wallower wallows in proper wallow format including junk food, copious amounts of ben and jerry's, sappy movies/several episodes of gilmore girls, and of course an EXTREMELY comfy couch.
3. Tacos.
4. No matter what, you can always rely on your bestie.
5. Always caffinate.

Though as much as the wallowing helped, there is still some wallowing to be done. Maybe I'm making it out to be more than it is, but as far as the situation goes, i'm having a hard time deciding where the JUST friends line ends and the flirty/crush line begins. When I look back on everything that's happened, I feel like I never really crossed the JUST friends line anywhere (EXCEPT physically). Does that put us in the friends with benefits area only? Or did we go from just friends, to something more, then back to just friends? I'm seriously feeling the latterIts weird, and I miss him as a friend even though I know he's not gone. But things are different now, and I'm not sure how to react to the situation. I mean, I don't know how to act where it isn't how I would act around any of my other friends...I guess thats the problem with being yourself around someone, when the time comes where you feel like you need to act differently, you don't know who to be.

don't forget that brains attract!

2009-06-15T04:38:27Z

Since I seem to be on a roll anyways, here's a book meme from babitzka

1) What author do you own the most books by?
Shakespeare

2) What book do you own the most copies of?
Technically? I own four copies of Jane Eyre

3) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Now most people would think I would put Mr. Darcy or Mr. Rochester, but really, deep in my heart I will always and forever love Aladdin.

4) What book have you read more than any other?
Jane Eyre

5) What was your favourite book when you were 10-years-old?
Hardy Boys, they were cooler than nancy drew.

6) What is the worst book you've read in the past year?
Anotny and Cleopatra....I forced myself to finish reading it.

7) What is the best book you've read in the past year?
aside from Jane Eyre? That would be my philosophy of religion textbook...I KNOW I'M A NERD!

8) If you could tell everyone you know to read one book, what would it be?
Jane Eyre

9) What is the most difficult book you've ever read?
Illiad/Odessy....I read them when I was 12.

10) Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
Russians.

11) Shakespeare, Milton or Chaucer?
Shakespeare, then Chaucer then Milton

12) Austen Or Eliot?
Austen. Definitely Austen (but I love eliot too!)

13) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
current.

14) What is your favourite novel?
Jane Eyre

15) Play?
Taming of the Shrew or Much Ado about Nothing

16) Poem?
My Hand Is Weary With Writing

17) Essay?
Ralph Waldo Emmerson's Self-reliance

18) Short story?
The Death of Ivan Illych by Tolstoy

19) Non-fiction?
Devil's Teeth by Susan Casey

20) Graphic novel?
...can't say I have one.

21) Memoir?
Reading Lolita in Tehran

22) History?
Grand Strategy for America

23) Mystery or noir?
Dan Brown.

24) Science fiction?
Qould the eragon series count? if not then Lord of the Rings must!

25) Who is your favourite writer?
John Green

26) Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
Stephanie Meyer

27) What are you reading right now?
An Abundance of Katherines

An abundance of life.

2009-06-15T03:53:37Z

Now I'm starting to wonder...

is this really how its going to be?

One failure after another?

But once again my OWN theory has just one more piece of evidence to prove its correct....though this time seemed to be coming out different. It could have been the anomaly, the outlier. Like K-3. or K-19?

-D7+D2x3-x4/A5-Cx2-Px+1/A+13P+sin2x/2[1+(-1)H+1[(x+(11Π/2))H/|x+(11Π/2)|H]]

(thank you Daniel Biss and John Green for the formula...dftba)

I'm not entirely sure where to proceed from here.

But the pleasure isn't owning the person. The pleasure is this....Having another contender in the room with you.

Well said Philip Roth. Well said.

(though, i'm surprisingly okay with the entire situation now that I think about it and accept the illogical theorem that does not always work, though we would very much like it to....Sorry Colin Singleton, but I am in the same boat as you.)

In other news, I'm about 70 bucks away from my first tattoo.

mudha47 @ 2009-06-12T15:11:00

2009-06-12T21:18:04Z

So i started writing this post a few days ago, at 3 in the morning, when i couldn't sleep and was in a general state of discomfort. Thought recent events have put my mind at ease somewhat, I"m still feeling lost in everything else. Between school and the non-existent workplace, coupled with the then non-existent sanctuary (aka an apartment) and the current absence of my cats, life seems to be having me drawn and quartered.

So lets start from the beginning.

School: Is it bad that biology just doesn't give me that thrill anymore? I've gone from being able to do anything with it, and being enthralled with all of it, I mean, I still love sharks, and get a little over excited when I see them, but what am I doing in biology? The classes don't give me the same thrill that the used to. Taking all of this into consideration, I've been looking at my options, and so I've emailed a couple professors about the philosophy and international relations/pre-law majors. Maybe...idk. I'm just so indecisive about EVERYTHING that it makes finding ONE thing impossible. In other school news: I got a job with SA which is great! I mean its definitely putting me in the right direction for becoming a lawmaker....maybe poli sci is teh right choice? We had our first SA meeting Tuesday night, and all I can say is I'm VERY grateful for going to Model UN in high school. I met some awesome people, and I've got several meetings lined up for the following weeks. All in all, its great.

Non-Existent Workplace...aka Life: So living at home, granted I've only been there for two weeks, has made me come damn near close to strangling my mother. THey say that mother in laws are evil? well, I beg to differ. I don't know why but its like I can't get through to her that I've grown up and I'm not a little kid anymore. She has issues with every decision I've made, and basically told me I was worthless. Now this just pissed me off. It didn't hurt, I was just mad. So using my super power skills of life and such I've managed to find myself a place to live. Through it all colin and co. have been greatly supportive and guys, thanks. I know my issues with my parents seem trivial to some, but really its more of me not being a traditional indian (see previous blog for more info) and stryaing from who I am. Though dad seems a lot better with the situation than mom. Now if Dad ever told me I was worthless, THAT would hurt. That would be equivalent to getting stabbed in the back. So along with all of this there is of course, some boy drama. Nothing serious, but still...and that all will be saved for a later date.
(on the plus side however I my Huston little might be coming to visit, which just puts a massive smile on my face ^_______________^)

Apartment: YAY! I FOUND ONE! lease and deposit to be turned in tomorrow. Cats to be picked up monday or tuesday, and moved in completely by next weekend ^________^. The only downside is I've told Sean that I needed to find a place, and that I couldn't live with him, but I haven't told either him or jake that I've found a place, which is what I need to do....ASAP......oops?

Cats: I miss them. SO much. Like I got to see them for a little bit today because the vet called me to talk about Roscoe's eye, and I GOT TO SEE THEM! Riggs was scared shitless and kept rubbing his head against me, and cowering by me, and Roscoe, well he was Roscoe. ^_^ yay for his special eye. I can't wait till I can bring them home. I've been not sleeping right lately because i've just been like OMG CATS WHERE ARE YOU I MISS HAVING RIGGS PURRING AND GAHHHH. so it was wonderful to see them and get my "fix" for like a couple hours. But i miss them already >.< I want to just go and give them a MASSIVE hug and never let them out of my sight EVER again.

So in other news:

TOMORROW I'M GOING TO PRIDE ^____^! with Kai, who is AMAZING to say the least, and I dug up my Nerd Pride shirt to wear, and I can't wait for tomorrow cause I"m going to drop off my lease application AND go to pride (for free mind you.) And then we'll all hang out and have a blast. I can't wait. I'm debating going on Sunday because A) I don't really have anyone to go with? :( and thats really it....SO ANYONE?
Also, I started a different blog on Blogspot called Musings of a Jane Girl

so yeah....also: SORRY YOUTUBE! i neglected to update in the 24 hour period that I said i would >.< I'm pretty sure that there will be one tonight/tomorrow, and one saturday night from pride.

yet another update!

2009-06-08T07:48:45Z

So its two thirty in the morning and all chances of me sleeping have been driven from my mind so why not do another update?

So I"m more than a little stressed out, and at this point i'm PRAYING that i can find a place to live by the end of the week. So my cats, i miss them and i love them dearly, but I want to get them out of tasha's as fast as humanly possible, idk why, call it a feeling? And more and more recently i've been feeling less than adequeate for being me.

There's this whole family situation that just puts me in an awkward position, and I feel kinda bad, because it shows me how far away from my roots I've strayed. Maybe its because of Kirtan, or what i don't know but I just feel so far away from who I am.

So for those of you that don't know, Kirtan is a Hindu practice where people gather and sing devotional praises to varying lords. I know that I've lost any faith of god and such, but I still miss the feeling of being a hindu, I miss my cluture and my religion. I think teaching Colin about it, and him actually taking an interest in it has put me a step closer to reconsidering accepting religion. Though I seriously doubt it. My religion doesn't offer any explination as to why. Would it be compeltely wrong of me to practice if I didn't believe? Just to have something to tie me back home. Something to ground me while I go down this winding and unkonwn path of life. I know that my grandmothers believe that I'm still a devout Hindu. I know my dad's side of the family thinks I'm a good little Indian girl who would never disobey her parents and will have an arranged marriage one day and that they get to pick whom I marry, and I know my mom's side of the family knows more of the real me than any other member of my family.

Moving on, I'm so worried about finding a place to live, and a place to call home on the East Side, that its driving any chance of sleep from me. I'm not quite sure how to tell Sean that I don't think that I can live with him because he doesn't seem so ready to find a new place. I need to find a place asap. So i'm going to do some of my own hunting but if i can't find anything then i'm going to have to wait it out. I'm dropping my cats off a kennel until i can find a place, which will hopefully be soon. I'm praying it won't take me too long to find a place, and I've got a nice list of places to check out, and i've emailed a couple about setting up showings. I'm excited and I hope I find a place soon. I miss the east side.

so now i'm going to read and hope to get some sleep,...thankfully the thunderstorm raging outside is acting like a lullaby and i'm praying that sleep comes soon.

I'M ALIVEEEEEEE

2009-06-07T21:13:22Z

um so holy crap! its been 16 weeks or something like that since I posted? haha oops?

I totally didn't mean to completely disregard my lj, but y'know things happen.

and now since colin is not entertaining me, i guess its time for:

LIFE UPDATE!

so since feb, things between ches and i have completely ended all ties severed, with mucho help from the awesome and omnipotent Kai. Basically what happened was that Ches and I did this whole on and off thing since January, but I really just needed to call it quits especially after we started coming to blows over a big part of my life. Not a lot of people know this but the LGBT community has been a big part of my life since I was born, because my closest friend in India was intersexual. Because of whom she was and the fact that she wasn't afraid of being different, she is the reason why I am whom I am. Because of her, I've felt this connection with the LGBT community and its been a big part of my life. Kai brought me into the LGBT center on campus and I met a whole new plethora of friends where i just feel like I belong. Though there is an increase in drama, I fend that I'm happy and more open about things. Ches being a repbulican and completey entitled to his own view, doesn't agree with the LGBT community because that was how he was raised. Herein lies the big problem for me. I am a major advocate for the LGBT community and not supporting them is a deal breaker for me. When I first confronted him about this he said that he would change his feelings and be more open and accepting but thats not what I want. I don't want or believe someone should change their view point because they want someone, they should change because they believe that it is the right thing to believe. I don't want him to resent me for it. So thats the end of that.

Moving on to other bridges that seemed to have been burned between me and others, Greg. Greg has been someone I've turned to in my time of need, but theres been a wedge driven between us because of Ches, and as much as I'll miss having him as a friend in my life, he isn't willing to open the door to friendship to me, after I've apologized for us holding different viewpoints on the matter. So as much as I miss him its probably for the best that we part ways.

But as the Bright Eyes' song goes "This is the first day of my life".

cute video actually....

But anyways, currently I'm the Academic Affairs Director for the Student Association, which is exciting and new, and 'm just looking forward to living life and enjoying it. Last night my mother asked me infront of 30 dinner guests if I was a lesbian, which ended with me getting 30 open mouth stares when I explained I wasn't but why LGBT rights are important and that I was the secretary for Queer People of Color on campus, which was rather hilarious?

Anyways thats about all i have time for update wise. Check youtube for a vlog update at SOME point within the next 24 hours!

anglerfish.

2009-02-12T04:11:51Z

Dear F-List
that is all.

oh and emily i have to talk to you soon.

death and all his friends.

2009-02-08T05:16:56Z

So this weekend has not exactly been a good one for myself or my family, we lost a very close family member who was the epitome of what all people should strive for. He was caring and loving, and above all else humble. He gave without EVER asking for anything in return, and provided a good home for his wife and kids, and loved all equally. In the words of his son, he had no friends, only family. He did everything in his power to make the world a better place for the rest of us and he'll be missed greatly. He was diagnosed with leukemia, and the disease ended up spreading very quickly through his body, and eventually metastasized in his brain, causing him more pain and suffering than he should have had to deal with.

Above all else this has left me with more questions than I know how to answer. Like why such a great man was made to suffer? Why were his friends and family to be in so much pain? Why was he the one to get the cancer? Why does cancer even exist? And more questions down that line.

I know the scientific aspect of it, and I'm not looking for a spiritual answer either. If I believed in the religious/spiritual aspect of it all I would believe that something he did in his past life caused him to suffer in this one, and would gain some peace in the knowledge that since he led such a good lifestyle he would be rewarded and born into a life of fortune in the next. Though different religions have different way of viewing death I don't feel there is enough backing in their claims for me to accept them as fact. No those aren't the answers I'm looking for.

I just want to try and understand why the body stops working, why cancer formed from one small mutation and not something more wonderful. I want to know why we become so attached and feel so much grief when we lose someone, though I'm not sure I can say I cried for my cousin. More than crying for him, I cried for his wife, and kids, and my aunts and uncles, and his brothers and sisters. The ones that were so torn up so distraught, over the fact that such a great man was taken from us so young. It made me mad to see them so destroyed over the fact that this man was no longer with us. I wanted to find whomever was responsible and really lash out at them, no holds barred.

More than anything else though, I want him to come back. I want to be able to say goodbye, and make sure he was happy. I want to make sure that I know his dreams of the future so I, along with the rest of my family, can make them come true. Though I know his biggest dream was to show unadulterated kindness to everyone we meet. Instead of repaying his kindness to figure out what we can do to make the next person we meet a little better. That is what he wanted.

DOCTOR GOD!

2009-02-03T00:00:38Z

So this is just something that popped into my head during my Philosophy lecture today because I relate EVERYTHING back to Doctor who, don't ask why its just the way my brain works:

My reasoning for why The Doctor is God.

So if you look at Western theories for God (Christianity and Judaism) they have the same basic principles of God

1) Creator of the Universe
2) Personal...cares for human affairs
3) Omnipotent
4) Omniscient
5) Eternal
6) All good.....Judaism- Vengeful
7) Only 1.

Now if we ignore the first, because if you look at the three basic arguments for God (Ontological, Cosmological, Teleological) they all fall short is some respect. So ignoring that the Doctor is, in fact NOT a creator, lets move on to the other qualifiers shall we?

1) He is personal...The Doctor is constantly saving the human race from extinction by other races.
2) The Doctor is ALL POWERFUL, there is nothing the Doctor can't do, though he may need a tad bit of help along the way.... but once again, all arguments of God fall short in some respect.
3) He knows EVERYTHING. He has looked into the Time vortex. He knows ALL. Though he may argue that his head is too small and too full of stuff.
4) He doesn't die! He just regenerates!
5) He is always trying to do the good thing, making it so EVERYBODY lives...though he can be vengeful towards the Daleks.
6) There is only ONE Doctor out there!

Hence my reasoning that the Doctor is God.

make up?

2009-01-27T18:16:51Z

So Ches, and I are in the process of making up....I think. I miss him and everything I do makes me think about him, and I realized that I love him, but am I in love with him???

Right now we're complicated, but idk.

and sean? have i unconciously given up on him? maybe?

idk.

can it be friday now?